Dealing With Toxic People

from GenSpark AI

 Based on my research, here's what Marcus Aurelius says about toxic friends and difficult people:

## Marcus Aurelius on Toxic Friends and Difficult People

While Marcus Aurelius doesn't use the modern term "toxic friends," he offers profound wisdom about dealing with difficult, harmful, and negative people in his philosophical journal "Meditations." Here are his key insights:

### **1. Accept That Difficult People Exist**

Marcus Aurelius famously wrote in his morning reflection:

> "When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil... And so none of them can hurt me." 

[Backyard Philosophy](https://backyardphilosophy.com/2020/07/17/marcus-aurelius-how-to-deal-with-people/)

### **2. Focus on What You Can Control**

A core principle in dealing with toxic behavior:

> "So other people hurt me? That's their problem. Their character and actions are not mine. What is done to me is ordained by nature, what I do by my own."

> "Someone despises me. That's their problem. Mine: not to do or say anything despicable. Someone hates me. Their problem. Mine: to be patient and cheerful with everyone, including them."

[Via Stoica](https://viastoica.com/marcus-aurelius-quotes/)

### **3. The Best Response to Toxicity**

Marcus Aurelius advocated for taking the high road:

> "The best revenge is not to be like that."

This simple but powerful statement suggests that the most effective way to deal with toxic people is to refuse to mirror their behavior.

### **4. Look Deeper Before Reacting**

He encouraged understanding rather than immediate reaction:

> "When you face someone's insults, hatred, whatever... look at his soul. Get inside him. Look at what sort of person he is. You'll find you don't need to strain to impress him."

### **5. Choose Your Company Wisely**

Marcus believed in being selective about whose advice to follow:

> "Marcus said you should only listen to people 'whose lives conform to nature.' Conforming to nature means those people focused on doing good."

[Medium](https://medium.com/@iamjcarlosg/5-1-simple-lessons-from-marcus-aurelius-for-dealing-with-difficult-people-9f11bc12c066)

### **6. Empathy and Understanding**

He advocated for trying to understand difficult people:

> "When faced with people's bad behavior, turn around and ask when you have acted like that... Your anger will subside as soon as you recognize that they acted under compulsion (what else could they do?)."

### **7. You Have the Power to Choose**

While not directly about friendships, Stoic philosophy emphasizes that we have more control over our relationships than we often acknowledge. As noted in the research, we can choose to limit exposure to people who make us "smaller" or "dirty and sully us by their nature."

### **The Stoic Approach to Toxic Relationships**

The Stoic perspective, as articulated by Marcus Aurelius and other philosophers like Epictetus, suggests that:

- **We cannot control others' behavior**, but we can control our response

- **Choose companions who elevate you** rather than diminish you

- **Focus on your own virtue and character** rather than trying to change others

- **Practice compassion** while maintaining boundaries

- **Remember that toxic behavior often stems from the person's own suffering or ignorance**

Marcus Aurelius's approach to toxic people centers on **internal strength, wisdom in choosing relationships, and maintaining one's own virtue regardless of others' behavior**. Rather than trying to fix or change difficult people, he advocated for protecting your own peace and character while responding with patience and understanding when interaction is necessary.

2) Ryan Holiday